A Great Romance

Valentine’s Day. To some it is a much anticipated, wonderful day. To others, it can be the worst kind. Everyone has an opinion of this Hallmark holiday. KP and I aren’t too keen on it. We do exchange cards and he usually gets me flowers. We save our “date” for another, less crowded night. I’d attribute that to age, but we’ve done so since we were just out of college. It’s just not our thing.

Nevertheless, on this day I can’t help but think a bit about our life romance, to take a look at this man I’m tied to and evaluate our relationship. KP and I have been an item for over 14 years. Just typing that number amazes me. Some days it seems like yesterday that I first laid eyes on him. My heart still skips a beat at the thought.

But then I look at pictures of us from that time. And I look at the man next to me. I look in the mirror. And I see that time has certainly progressed. We have two children, two cars, and a mortgage. Now I know that to some readers, making it to our 10^th year of marriage with 5 years of dating before that isn’t much. Yet to others it may seem a long while indeed.

I will be honest with you. I adore my husband. But you see I don’t think of KP as my soul mate. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but I just think the world is too big to say we have one soul mate. Just because we happened to both be born in this country and to attend the same college doesn’t make KP the only man on this earth for me.  I am also able to function without my husband. This is because my being is not wrapped up in his. He is my husband, and I love him. But he does not define me. I am my own person. And to be frank, if I am not well with myself I cannot be of much help to anyone else, him included.

All of this doesn’t mean we don’t have a great romance. I’m just not sure it aligns with the standards set by our culture. I think what defines our union is not our love for each other, but our decision to love one another. There is a marked difference here. When we started out, the feelings of love were overwhelming, the whole “I saw fireworks” thing in full effect. But time changes things. Life changes things. I’m not saying that is totally gone. It’s not. But it’s mainly replaced with something that grows deeper each year. As we make the choice to love one another with our words and our deeds, our marriage strengthens.

We still have years to come. I know there will be good times, and I know there will be bad times. That’s about all I know for sure. But if there’s one thing I’ve experienced thus far, it’s that choosing to love one another through them has its rewards. Those small decisions form the cornerstone of our great romance.

Happy Valentine’s Day.